I’m living with this knowledge for three almost four years now and there are still nights and days were I doubt it. What we actually do is having really nasty and sick sex. And I know that. And first I was so ashamed when I had to face the reality that there was nothing that rings my bells more,” she giggled from her own choose of words and so did I, “than this. I love the power I have when men beg me to eat my innermost I love the feeling I have when mum or some of the higher mistresses like May force me to serve them. But later when the phase of reflection appears I know that this joy and pain and all I feel are simply consumptions that make my life worth living. And besides that I know those are the ones that make the lives of my partners’ worth to be lived.” She helped me putting another load of the mess into the blue, “Now I don’t want to say that focusing your life on sex and serving and dominating fills you up. It still is only one aspect of the entire building. Its jus a part. ‘Only Mom started feeling sick half-way through dinner and they came back early. ‘I had lost a lot of blood, but Dad got me out of the tub and Mom wrapped both wrists trying to stop the bleeding while Dad called 911. ‘I spent three days in the hospital. Mom, of course, saw all eight pregnancy tests and I had to tell her everything. She called the police, but they said without any physical evidence to support a rape charge, it really would be just my word against the word of the guys. Beth and her parents had already gone back home. ‘A couple of days after that we flew back home. ‘I told Mom I couldn’t see you, talk to you or tell you what happened. Mom got even more upset with me, but when I told her that unless she agreed to not let you see or talk to me, then I would try to kill myself again. ‘Then a couple of weeks later I had a miscarriage. ‘The rest you know. I moved in with Mom’s younger sister for my senior year. ‘Do you hate me now, Sam? I would understand . . . really, I.
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